Personal Acceptance

In life, there are things about ourselves that we find hard to live with or even think about. These things, as I see them, are actually some of the real causes of our personal miseries at some point of our lives.

When I was 13 years old, at the time of raging hormones and overwhelming pressures to fit in, my own personality was a subject of loathing for myself, and a subject of ridicule from bullies. Because of that, I hated to see my own reflection in a mirror (although this has carried over to the present, I still feel uncomfortable facing a mirror for a long time). I used to say, "Why do I have this wavy kind of hair? Why is my nose like this? Why am I named this way and that?"

Because of that, I suffered emotionally, because I long to be something that I am not. Each time I see the school heartthrob, I used to wonder why he's what he is and I am not. Yeah, at that age, it was a guy's envy when someone else is famous with the girls.. so I guess I was normal after all if I felt envy. Anyway, when I had a conversation with this heartthrob, he confided in me that he still has his insecurities despite his status in school. And, yeah, he waves me off each time I tell him that a lot of girls like him, instead saying, "Dili tawon ko guapo bai!"

Perhaps I had been gifted (or cursed?) with a mind that doesn't stop thinking while my eyes are open, and I found myself realizing that while to my eyes he is the epitome of perfection, for him he still lacks something because he felt that way (of course if he was not pretending anything while talking to me).

Even my empathic nature is a source of consternation for me during my younger years. At that time, I had no idea what an empath was, nor did I even care to find out. It just irks me why people's emotions seem to flood into me and affect me like that time when I was the one who cried instead of my cousin that was being reprimanded by my mom. It turned out he was just holding it in, but it spilled into me and made me cry.

When I grew older, i started becoming comfortable with myself, not because I realized I had something others don't have, but because I've started becoming weary of complaining to myself why I am like this or that. When I first understood what an empath was, I started gradually to accept that I am one of them, and that I cannot control the alien and out of context emotions that I feel. I started to understand myself and thus, accepted myself.

My point here is, when you've accepted yourself and what you are, things will be a lot easier. Our own miseries which we inflict upon ourselves in our discontentment will no longer bother us, because we are already comfortable with the idea that we are what we are. We won't bother comparing ourselves to others and finding a lot of faults. In acceptance, I guess, we find peace.